It is done.

These past couple of months have been unmitigated suck. If you've ever looked for a job, you know what I'm talking about. Hence, the lack of Hi-larity. For the last 60 days or so every attempt to be funny went about like this:
Me: Knock knock.
Unsuspecting joke recipient: Who's there?
Me: (Convulsive weeping)
But 'tis in the past, my friends! I landed a gig at Disneyland. I won't bore you with details. The general idea is that I skulk around at midnight killing things. Know what? That's not a joke. Of course, the things that I'm killing are bugs and fungus on the plants but I like a bit of drama in my life so I'm gonna go with that description. Oh yeah, and I get to do fertilizer programs and irrigation stuff and all that. It'll be pretty cool. I'm just glad to be done with the hunt. I've spent like every waking moment plugged into a coffee I.V. while endlessly scouring the job boards. I also spent a lot of time studying for different certification tests for jobs that may or may not become available. So, now I'm all about arthropod vector biology, Hazardous materials management, and I think I'm also a beautician and/or an acrobat. Actually, I think it's "acrotician". I can give you beauty tips but you have to stand on a little platform and I can only speak to you at a rate of one word every fifteen seconds. So that's about it and I don't have much else to say at the moment. No. Wait. I would like to address my trip to the Jeep store yesterday.
First, a little personal history. I once bought a five year old Saturn that smelled like cat urine for ten thousand dollars. Now, when I talk about how overtly criminal this place is, please keep in mind that I am a bumpkin. If I sensed foul play, I am utterly shocked that anybody shops there. I mean, just check out their logo:

So, I went into the shop needing a) a snap for the frame that holds my Jeep top. b) a new Jeep top. c) a new headlight.
I decided to tackle the top first because it was, far and away, the biggest item. There were four people behind the counter and one attacks, I mean, offers help. We looked through the catalog and found the top I wanted and the guy quotes me a price of $525.
Me: I'm pretty sure your website quotes a price of around four hundred dollars.
Shyster: (with a look on his face like I need a pat on the head and live-in care) Noooooo.......that's not right.
Me: (in one of my more lucid moments) Say, isn't that a computer right there on your desk? Just look it up.
Shyster: (looking it up......pause....looking at his buddies who refuse to make eye contact.....pause....) That's the internet price.
At this, all his friends turn their backs on the two of us and become very busy cleaning things.
Me:Okay, so let me type my order in there, you can get the top out of the back room, and I'll be on my way.
Shyster: We'd have to ship it to you.
Me: How much is shipping?
Shyster: It's hard to say.
Okay, so I was done. I just wanted my snap, and a quick exit. I fell back into my default setting which is "pigeon to be plucked" and purchased the tiny metal snap I needed for ten freakin' bucks. I was about to walk out and remembered the headlight. I walked over to the shelf with about ten different types (none marked with prices by the way) and I said to the guy, "I'm not sure which one of these I need." He picked one up, placed it on the counter, rang it up and announced, "Sixty-five eighty-eight please." And ya know what? He had no remorse. I asked, "Don't you have anything cheaper?" At this, the guy who looked like the owner piped up. He looked at me like I was a skunk wrapped in a dead hobo and said, "That's the only one we stock."
Remembering the other nine on the shelf I said, "But...." thought better of it and left with my ten dollar snap.
So, I have a ripped top, one headlight, and a ten dollar snap. It's a good thing I at least have a job.