This is a test

I'm talking about junk mail. I mean the tangible stuff that you use to start your fireplace. I'm not addressing spam at this time.
Oh, incidentally. People say that the spammers track your internet habits and tailor a list of who gets what spam. Here's a little game. I'll tell you that I get a lot of spam advertising track lighting and portable toilets. Now you tell me where I get my news. The winner gets to use my portable toilet.
Anyway, back to actual junk mail.
It's all about testing you. They don't want to know how smart you are. They want to know how dumb you are. Here's how it works. They send you an urgent announcement with no return address that pleads with you to call United Virtual Housing Homestead Friends of Partnership Consolidation about your overdue mortgage payment.
Correct response: I feel like spaghetti tonight (crumple toss).
The response they're hoping for: HOLY COW! I didn't even know I had another mortgage out there! I better follow up on this just in case my other house is nicer than this one!
Bingo. They got a customer.
Let me be honest here. At this point I was planning to come up with a fictitious phone conversation to a fictitious mortgage company. However, I was unable to come up with anything off the top of my head. Furthermore, thinking is hard and is, for the most, to be avoided so I just called the number to see what would happen. I was expecting this big hilarious conversation where they tried to convince me that I owed them money, or that I was distantly related to an antelope ranch tycoon in Zaire, or something. Anything! Sadly, the conversation went like this.
"Mortgage company": Mortgage and loan department, how can I help you?
Me: Hi, I'm calling because I got a letter from you about my mortgage.
"Mortgage company": Yes, what can I do for you?
Me: I don't have a mortgage with your company.
"Mortgage company": I see, can you hold?
Me: Sure
"Mortgage company": *silence* *click* *buzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz* "If you'd like to make a call, please hang up and try again. If you need help, please hang up and dial your operator." (by the way, if you've ever wondered what note on the musical scale a dial tone is, it's "A")
Actually, I kind of suspect that she didn't really hang up. She was probably making that buzz with an electric toothbrush and impersonating a recording while her "old man" scooped stolen credit card numbers and fake social security cards into a nap sack so they could make a quick get away.
They gave it their best shot. I passed their first test and proved to be stupid enough to make the call. Unfortunately for them, I was still not quite dumb enough to talk to. Oh well, I'm sure that they'll find a nice little alley where they can park their pop-up trailer, splice into the electricity of an old widow, and resume their testing.