I was taking a break but...
School is a little hectic right now so I had the blog on the back burner. Thing is, I just can't resist hate mail. It's a sickness or something. If you would like to see the original post, click here. If you would like to see "guy grand's" comment,click here.
First off, allow me to offer a sincere apology to the nation of Canada. I never would have written those disparaging and insensitive comments on my blog if I knew a couple of you could read. But, since the ball is rolling, let's see what "guy grand" has to say:
Well I'm Canadian
My condolences
and mildly resent your comments about my home.
Mildly? Let me see if I can do better this time.
There's some stuff in the middle about fat loud mouthed Americans. Blah blah blah. Tell me something about myself I don't know. And then my favorite part:
When your empire crumbles we Canuks shall all dance through your burning oil fields and corpse laiden [sic] Wal-Marts
First of all, you will never...and you listen up good...never dance among corpses in America. Do a little reading, dude. As evil fascists, we eat our dead. If you ever come to visit, I suggest you don't fall asleep at a bus stop. Or, if you absolutely must take a nap in public, wear a T-shirt that says "NEW! Canadian lite! Now, with none of the sugar and half the fat!" We hate that crap. It should buy you some time.
See, I want you alive so that I can cruise up to Canada some day and kick you square in the butt. You know, maybe I won't do that. Nothing thaws out up there and I'd probably bust my toes. Then I'm stuck in Canada with a broken foot. That means I'd have to go see a Canadian "doctor". (Being a product of socialized medicine, they are legally obligated to refer to themselves as "doctor" instead of just doctor.) I'd go to the office and wait nine hours before some drunken Canuk wearing a propeller beanie and pelts tide to his waist pops out from behind a maple tree, takes one look at my foot, and sews my lungs shut. "That oughta fix you up, ay?"
And what's with that "burning oil fields" thing? As though there are whole fields of oil somewhere. Everyone one knows that oil comes from catching giant ferocious ships that live in the wild far far away and milking them.
as we all sing or Doodle Bop war song.
I'm sorry. I would love to mock that statement but I swear I don't know what it means.
I'd like to chat more but I have to get over to Wal-Mart to do a little conspicuous over-consumption.
posted by Jason @ 6:06:00 AM
6 comments
6 Comments:
It's eh. Not "ay". At least Canada is a country other countries still respect. Can't write much now I've run out of clean American flags to wipe my ass with and need to do Laundry...
Oh, come now. No need to get vulgar about it. That being stated, I now have three things to say:
1) I'll try to be more careful about how I spell my ambiguous utterances from now on.
2) International affairs are not necessarily a popularity contest.
3) Send me your address and I'll send you more flags. I don't want you to have to wipe with stained ones. I feel kind of responsible for you. You know, seeing as how Canada is kind of America's pet.
Oh, by the way, I'm just going to let this die on my end now. Honestly, I don't have anything against Canada. I used back bacon, John Candy, Canada, and the Doodlebops for comedic effect. (That's right folks. This is the only place on the internet you can see all those things in one sentence.) Then an American got worked up that I had mentioned Canada. I thought, "Golly, that's a weird button. I think I'll push it."
Take note that in subsequent posts I give America, Americans in general, and myself in particular, quite a bit of crap as well. I made over-the top generalizations about both sides for the fun of it. Everyone can use a good dose of ridicule now and then. I chose not to speak of burning peoples' land, dancing through a department store full of their corpses, or what I plan to do with feces. Feel free to be as vile as you like in as many comments as you feel it will take to get your point accross. I'm done with it.
Oh my gosh, you're right! And then I spelled it just like him. Oh well, life's rough like that.
I lower the Canadian flag and observe a moment of silence...Perhaps Mr. Grand is a cast member of the Doodlebops? Strange posts man...
And for the record I believe we are still England's pet :P
Dear Guy Grand,
Get a life, our you will regret it. HAAHAHHAHAA!!!!!!! It's "our," not "or," stupid. But I commend you on your choice of blog reading. You could do a lot worse entertainment-wise (and content-wise) than Flippin Jason.
Time for me to go shout while adding another layer of blubber.
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