What kind of an idiot.....

I saw a bumper sticker yesterday. "Abandoned Mine Shafts -- Stay Out! Stay Alive!". Okay, in case you missed it, we're talking about abandoned mine shafts. This is getting out of control. Who in the world can't see the inherent danger in, let me say that again, abandoned mine shafts? What kind of a buffoon needs to read this on a bumper sticker?!?
Hold on a minute.
When I was a kid I loved camping at Calico. That's a ghost town about an hour or so deep into the Mojave desert. An old mining town to be exact. It's all refurbished and touristy but the things that really kept me begging my parents to take me back were not the animatronic bartender and "Whacky-Shack". My favorite part was (sigh) playing in the abandoned mine shafts. Holy crap. I am that idiot.
I'm guessing that's because I hadn't read the sticker yet. To what extent do I owe my life to those stupid warnings that no one should have to read? I'm scared to death of what I might do to myself. What if I open a bottle of vitamins and I get one of those little packs of poison (or glass, or poisonous glass, or whatever that stuff is) that somehow slipped through the process without being printed "do not eat"? Am I gonna eat it? Am I gonna die the next time I pull out of a parking lot because I put up my sunshade warning-side out? Oh, sweet mercy. What if I kill myself by running head first into a full length mirror 18 times in a row like a parakeet because there's no "this is a mirror" sticker.
I'd like to think I'm smarter than that but last time I thought I was smart, I tried to clear a stopped up bathtub with a plunger. I tried to snake if first and forgot to replace the cover at the top of the drain pipe and ended up with a face full of day old tub water (and, incidentely, Top Ramen. Thanks kids!). I didn't figure out what was happening until after the second thrust. I just stood ankle deep in the tub yelling, "Oh, a wise guy! Nyuk nyuk nyuk!" Sploosh!
It's a wonder I dont swallow my own tongue. That ain't something you learn in school ya know, so I guess I'm at least that smart.
So, the way things are looking after my new revelation, pretty much any post could be my last. I better start reading more labels. However, that won't ensure my complete safety. I'll be damned if I ever read the instructions. A guy's gotta have a little pride.