They're here. Oh sweet mercy. They're actually here.

Look at these freaks. Just look at them.

They're called the "Doodlebops". It's a new kids' show from Canada and they've landed on the Disney Channel. In a cruel twist of fate, my kids absolutely love them.
This show is so bad that when they tried to broadcast in Eurpoe, the EU immediately imposed sanctions on Canada and demanded a written formal apology. Of course, Canada sheepishly agreed. Can't kick Europe around. So they just jettisoned the Doodlebops to us. Some friend Canada turned out to be.
They sing! They dance! They raise my gorge!
Not only do I have to deal with the freakin' Doodlebops in a direct way, they also raise questions in DJ's mind that I now have to deal with.
What's a doodle?
What's a bop?
What's a doodle bop?
"I'm not sure DJ. but from the looks of them I'd say that the Teletubbies spun cocoons and four months later, Doodlebops popped out."
As we know, there were 4 Teletubbies. Now we see only 3 Doodlebops. I think we can assume that one died in the process. I hope it was La-La. I hate La-La so much. I'll never forgive him for what he did at Sturgis '84. Sick bastard has no respect for anything. And somehow I'm the one who gets to repaint all the fire hydrants.
Don't get me wrong. The Doodle bops are nearly, but not quite, 100% bad. There is one thing about the show that kicks ass:

Stigmata!

Look at him. That's Moe. He even looks like he's yelling it in the camera's face, "STIGMATA!!!!!" That would make a great ending to the show every week. Nothing motivates kids to learn and get along with others like an hysterical bleeding of the palms. Too bad it's just a cartoony representation of the stigmata. Instead of bits of red felt glued to their gloves, you know what I would do? I'd sew some of those Hollywood blood packs into his costume. Somewhere near the middle of each episode I would have all the characters observe 30 seconds of silence while Moe gets down on his knees and rocks back and forth in a corner while staring reverently at his bleeding hands. Come on and do it Disney Channel! You don't have the guts, do ya? Always pandering to the lowest common denominator.
Oh well, at least it occupies the kids attention long enough that I can go watch my old teletubbies tapes and plan my revenge for Sturgis '84.