Don't smile when you say that.

I don't like talking on the phone. I'd never put a whole lot of thought into why I don't like the phone until Mark (who really did a super-fly job at my brother in law's wedding by the way.) and I got into a conversation about it. I had to think real quick and it hit me smack in the forehead. I have no idea what I am, or am not, allowed to say to people unless I can read their face.
Hypothetical example: (I'm only going to type my end of the conversation because if you really stop and think about it, the most important thing in the world is me. Hypothetical Steve will be heard as a Charlie-Brown's-teacher style "wah-wah")
PHONE: (ring ring ring)
ME: Hello?
STEVE: Wah wah-wah?
ME: Yeah, I remember your grandmother.
STEVE: Wah-wah.
ME: Of course. You know what I like about your grandma? (Here's where I turn on the charm) She doesn't fall for cheap advertising. Nope, never gonna catch her buying deoderant or whitening toothpaste!
STEVE: (Silence)
ME: Should I apologize?
STEVE: Wah-wah wah.
ME: Dead, you say?
That's exactly the sort of thing that happens. Steve decideds that a phone call would work just fine. Steve choses not to come over and let me see his sad face when he says the word "grandmother". Instead Steve wants to call me on the phone. Yet somehow I'm the "insensitive jackass" because I "rip into" Steve's "dead grandma". I will not do that if I see the sad face. I mean, come on, if she was still alive he would think it's totally funny if I implied that his grandma is dirty all over, right? Of course right. So you see, it's not my fault that the phone sucks. It's everybody else. Yep. Everyone but me.