Attack of the hoards

And then the conversation turns towards a new disease. It's called "Animal Hoarding" or "AH". I always thought it was called "The lady down the street who can only find 14 of her 19 cats because they hide amongst the teetering stacks of newspapers in her living room", but no. It's a syndrome. The root of the problem is complicated in both epidemiology and pathology. However my colleague, Dr. Huston, succinctly describes the phenomena in the following passage: "It's called 'stupid' ". Due to this tangled matrix of cause and effect which is responsible for AH, it is not limited to house pets and is a most difficult condition to control. Just look at all those guys out in Norco. They're up to their armpits in cows. Poor sick bastards.
That gives me an idea. I think I'm gonna get in on this whole animal hoarding thing. It would rock six ways to Sunday. I'm gonna stuff my backyard with strays and call it a ranch. Then I could tie a cat to my left foot, a dog to my right foot, and then spin around in circles all day and nobody can say squat because it's my job! That's been a dream of mine for some time. Also, I can call in sick to work with AH. "Sorry boss, can't come in. I got a fever and the only prescription is a big bag of cats."
But back to the disease and those who suffer. I did a little research (don't check google yourself because I found it on the 'secret' google and you don't know how to get to it and this is all true anyway so stop looking at me like that) and I discovered that there is a whole under-ground AH culture thriving amongst us. They have club meetings and conventions. I have a convention itinerary right here:
6:00 pm- The Evening Address
Gladys smith
7:30 pm- Dinner
On the menu: Cat food and imaginary salad.
8:30 pm- Workshop:
Blanch Johnson
Purses, blouses, couch covers. Who knew what hairballs could do?
9:00 pm- Lecture:
Harriet Brown
Dogs make fine children.
9:45 pm- 2 Workshops (choose either):
Bertha Jones
*72 hour psych. evaluations. What to expect.
Ethel Franks
*Keep those damn kids off your lawn...for good!
10:00 pm- Closing ceremonies (cat lady pledge and anthem)

So who are we to say? Sufferers of a loathsome syndrome or thriving micro-community?
I don't know and I haven't got time to figure it out. I've got strays to wrangle.