What is it with classes that have "management" in the title?

You may remember that I took what I thought was the world's stupidest class last quarter. Well, I have to take two classes this summer to finish up and I found a class that is even worse: Stress Management for Healthy Living. There's this chump and she's teaching me how to remain calm. Our first assignment was to tell her how we typically manage stress. "Ya know? I chew staples and jump out of trees." What kind of question is that? I pack all the stress into a little black ball and shove it in my gut like every other red-blooded American.
But she has different ideas. The next assignment was to practice some "relaxation techniques". First I was to sit in a chair and, get this, breathe. Chump has a flippin' PhD and that's what she gives me. I bet people come into her private practice all the time, "Doctor! Doctor! My face is blue and it's getting harder and harder to talk!" To which she insightfully strokes her chin and queries, "Have you tried ---- breathing?" The patient goes, "GASP! AAAHHHHH! GASP! AAAAAHHHH! Oh yeah Doc. You sure know your stuff!"
Actually I am misrepresenting the technique. When you inhale, you are supposed to say out loud, "I feel heavy." When you exhale you say, "I feel warm." Yeah, I'm gonna work that into my daily routine. Diane will yell to me from the across the house, "Jason! Can you please help me get these kids under control so I can give them a bath?" I'll yell back from the other room, "I feel heavy! I feel warm!" I'm sure that will really help take the tension down a notch in the house.
But, I'm a wacko about grades. It really doesn't matter what I get in this class as long as I pass but I still get all obsessive about the grade. That's why I sat there listening to her recording, breathing, saying to myself (and feeling like an idiot) "I feel heavy. I feel warm." And then she lost me with the next thing. I couldn't put up with it anymore when she said that I was to (I am sooo not kidding) shoot a beam of negative energy out the top of my head through a hole that, to my best reckoning, does not exist. At that point I had an epiphany. She gets paid the big dollars to make stuff up. She can say literally anything and people well buy it. If it sounds stupid enough, she wouldn't dare say it if it didn't work, right?
Patient: Doc, I just lost my job, and my wife left me, and my neighbor bit me, and my corneas fell out, and I've just been indicted in a pyramid scheme, and my shoes are too tight.
The Good Doctor: (Again, thoughtfully stroking her chin) Have you dipped your elbows in blueberry marmalade?
Patient: To be honest I hadn't thought of...
The Good Doctor: Well? do that!
Patient: Thanks Doc! Here's my checkbook! They're all pre-signed!
Seriously, this class is the most pointless thing I've ever been subjected to and I've watched Sheriff Lobo. This class is gonna make me gag. Then you'll see a beam of negative energy shoot out of a hole in my head.